Once Upon a Beach House
by Cress
Summary: Joey:Chandler slash, during and after the beach trip. Has a little R:R, and Monica:Phoebe too.
1. One on One Strip Poker

In episode 325, Joey loses when the gang plays strip Happy Days game, so he makes some cards and pesters Chandler to play "one-on-one strip poker for practice" with him. This story is inspired by that situation, although these events occur after the cliffhanger, during 401, The One With The Jellyfish. Also, Joey mentions Kate Miller, the actress whom he fell in love with during the latter part of season 3; Kate left New York for a job on the soap opera *General Hospital*.  
  
  
  
  
  
After midnight at the beach house, Rachel, Ross, and Bonnie were upstairs working out their issues, while Monica, Chandler, and Joey hung out downstairs. Then Phoebe returned from Phoebe Abbott's house with some shocking news.  
  
"Hey Pheebs, how did it go?" Chandler asked.  
  
"Well, um, my mom's friend, Phoebe, is actually my birth mom."  
  
They all looked at her in shock, and Chandler announced anti-climactically, "I found a dried up seahorse."  
  
Monica asked, "Sweetie, what are you talking about?"  
  
"Oh, ask my new mom, who--who's a big, fat abandoner!" Phoebe started to go upstairs.  
  
Joey stopped her. "Whoa, wait, Pheebs, wait a second! Don't you wanna stay here and talk about it?"  
  
"No. I'm just--I wanna--I need to be alone." Phoebe headed upstairs again, but after a pause, she turned around and called insistently. "Monica!"  
  
"Oh." She got up and hurriedly followed Phoebe.  
  
Left alone at the dining table, Joey shrugged and nagged Chandler again to play strip poker with him.  
  
Chandler got annoyed. "No! The last thing I want right now is to see you naked. Or have you see me naked."  
  
Joey whined, "Why not? We're roommates. We've seen each other naked before."  
  
"Yeah, but not on purpose! Not sitting around playing cards! When I 'hang out' with you, Joey, I don't mean literally 'hang out'!"  
  
"Aw, come on! I need the practice. If I get good, then I can get the girls to strip for us. Don't you wanna see all the girls naked?"  
  
"Sure! But I don't think anybody besides Bonnie wants to play another strip game. And," he pointed out, "we already saw Bonnie when her bathing suit came off in the ocean."  
  
"Yeah!" Joey nodded lustily at the memory. "Hey, you think Ross is breaking up with her now?"  
  
"Maybe. I think he does wanna get back together with Rachel."  
  
"Cool! Then I can get Bonnie on the rebound."  
  
"Do you really still want her now that she shaved her head again?"  
  
"For that body, I'll ignore the bald head!"  
  
Chandler shuddered. "I couldn't ignore it, man."  
  
"Great! Then you can go hit on Monica," Joey laughed mockingly, "and she can shoot you down again!"  
  
Chandler scowled.  
  
Joey smiled. "What's with you and her, anyway? Do you really want to date her?"  
  
Chandler shrugged. "I don't know. But I don't want to be ruled out totally, like I'm some loser."  
  
"Look, you're not a loser. She just doesn't see you as a boyfriend, okay? You're in the friend zone, you know?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
"And do you know what's the best way to get out of the friend zone?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Play some strip poker for practice!"  
  
Chandler wordlessly stormed upstairs and went into his bedroom. Actually it was his and Joey's. This beach house, which Phoebe's massage client Bob had given to her after it got flooded, did not have unlimited bedrooms, so Joey and Chandler wound up sharing a room, as did Monica and Phoebe, and Ross and Bonnie.  
  
The night before, Joey had fallen asleep downstairs, so the gang had covered him with sand and sculpted him into a mermaid. Tonight, however, Joey came upstairs and entered.  
  
Lying in bed already, Chandler turned and looked at him threateningly. "Hey, I'm not playing strip poker with you!"  
  
"Okay, okay!" Joey sat down on the other bed. He tossed down his homemade cards on the nightstand. "But I'm bored. Let's do something."  
  
"It's past one o'clock! Just go to sleep."  
  
"What if Ross breaks up with Bonnie, and she needs some comfort, and I miss it?"  
  
"Then go wait outside their bedroom door."  
  
"I can't do that! Ross will be pissed. And what if somebody else catches me out there?"  
  
"I don't know, and I don't care."  
  
Joey sighed and started to undress. "Fine, I'll go to sleep."  
  
"Good." Chandler quickly covered his eyes when he realized that Joey was getting completely naked. "Whoa! I'm right here!"  
  
"So turn around. You know I sleep naked."  
  
"Yeah, but I don't usually share a bedroom with you, so I forget." He looked away and waited for Joey to get into his own bed and turn out the light.  
  
"There. Your eyes are safe."  
  
"Great! Good night."  
  
"Good night." 


	2. Close Encounters

In the morning, Chandler woke up just in time to see Joey, still naked, rummaging through his roommate's clothes. Chandler threw his pillow at him. "Yo, naked boy! That's my stuff."  
  
Joey caught the pillow and covered himself with it. "Sorry! I just wanted to borrow your bathrobe. I didn't bring mine, 'cause I didn't know that the shower would be all the way down the hall from this room."  
  
"So put on your own clothes and walk there!"  
  
"I didn't bring that many clothes!" Joey indicated the brown paper bag that had served as his luggage for the trip. "Most of my clothes are covered in itchy sand already, and I'm still all briny and stinky from swimming yesterday. I don't wanna ruin my last good clothes before I even take a shower."  
  
"Fine!" Chandler got out of bed and came over. "Here, you can borrow this, but then you get dressed as soon as possible!"  
  
"Okay. Thanks." He hugged Chandler a little too closely, considering his nakedness.  
  
"Get off me!" Chandler pushed him away.  
  
Joey smiled apologetically and wrapped himself in the big beach towel, then headed off to take a shower.  
  
After breakfast Joey, Chandler, and Monica spent the day at the beach, but soon ran into trouble with a jellyfish. They all promised never to discuss the traumatic incident, then hurried back to the beach house to shower.  
  
There were just two bathrooms in the house, so after Monica claimed one, Joey and Chandler argued over who would get the other one first.  
  
"You didn't even pee!" Chandler whispered, looking around to make sure no one else was nearby.  
  
"But I was standing too close and--and got some on me."  
  
"Ewww!" Chandler grimaced. "I'm still going first. You wait." He headed into the bathroom, but Joey forced his way inside as well.  
  
"I'm--I'm gonna wait in here. I don't want somebody to see me... or smell me, out there."  
  
"Fine, but don't look."  
  
Joey duly looked away as Chandler undressed and got into the shower, and both tried not to think about the jellyfish incident, but it would not go away.  
  
When Chandler finished showering, he hurriedly dried himself and dressed again, all the while averting his eyes as Joey stripped and got into the shower next. How could Joey be so comfortable with his nakedness, especially in front of Chandler? It must be that Joey knew that he had a great body, so it was never a source of embarrassment for him.  
  
Chandler discreetly left the bathroom and headed back to his bedroom to pack. Joey eventually came back for his "luggage" too, and the whole gang drove away from the beach house in uncomfortable silence.  
  
Only Ross and Rachel were happy, because they were back together again, and Bonnie had already gone during the night. Knowing better in the light of day, Rachel agreed with Ross that they ought to rip up her letter and both take responsibility for their earlier breakup. 


	3. Home Again

Back home in New York, Monica, Joey, and Chandler still couldn't face each other. After a couple of days, the others forced them to confess about the whole jellyfish trauma; it was embarrassing, but at least the three of them could look at each other again.  
  
Then Phoebe's birth mom came to visit her, and they managed to reconcile, so overall the beach trip turned out to be a good thing.  
  
Chandler tried once more to get Monica to date him, at least hypothetically, but she told him that he would always be "the guy who peed on me."  
  
So he gave up and returned across the hall to his and Joey's apartment.  
  
"Hey," Joey said, still playing with his homemade cards.  
  
"Hey." Chandler sat down with a beer.  
  
"So, she shoot you down again?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
Joey smiled. "You wanna play cards?"  
  
"Not strip poker?"  
  
"Okay, okay. Your choice."  
  
Chandler picked up the deck and prepared to shuffle it, but then he noticed how flimsy the cards were, being made of paper. "You know, I've got a real pack in my room, Joe."  
  
"Oh yeah. Get those."  
  
"Okay."  
  
After playing a few rounds of gin, they watched some TV until it got late.  
  
Finally Chandler stretched and headed toward his bedroom, but then he remembered something and turned back for a moment. "And stop yelling 'Do it! Do it now!' through the wall, okay?"  
  
Joey laughed.  
  
"It's not funny, freaking me out about that. How would you like it if I made fun of your 'stage fright'? Better yet, what if I mention it in front of your next date?"  
  
"You wouldn't!"  
  
"Who knows? Maybe I'll make it sound like it's not stage fright for peeing, but stage fright for..." He raised his eyebrows suggestively, but when Joey didn't get it, he clarified: "Sex."  
  
"Hey!" Joey looked shocked.  
  
"That's right. You couldn't do it for Monica, so I had to step in and do it for you. How cool does that sound?"  
  
"Not cool! I've got a reputation!"  
  
"I know all about your reputation, Mr. Show Off. I hear you through the wall every time."  
  
"Yeah you do!" Joey stood up and came over to him, making him step back warily. Joey caught hold of Chandler's arm to stop his retreat. "Look, I'll stop yelling through the wall, okay? But--but how about we do... something?"  
  
"Something?"  
  
Joey put his hand onto Chandler's butt, shocking him greatly. "I wondered why your boss liked slapping your butt so much," he smiled. "Very nice."  
  
Chandler tried to push Joey's hand away, but his grasp remained firm. "Hey! Stop it!"  
  
"Come on! You felt up my sister once to get over Janice. I'm getting over Kate."  
  
"Then--then go feel up Monica, or Phoebe, or Rachel!"  
  
"None of *them* made me go to sleep and miss Bonnie leaving!"  
  
"Hey, don't blame me for when she left! That was all Ross and Rachel!" Chandler was getting desperate. "How about you go call up Ross?"  
  
Joey laughed. "You know, Ross told me that you got so drunk at my birthday party that you even kissed him! Huh, I wonder how good you kiss, if Ross is willing to forgive you." Joey leaned close and kissed his mouth.  
  
Chandler resisted at first, but then was drawn into the kiss, because it had been a while for him. His last date had been Ginger, with the wooden leg, who was turned off by his third nipple. She had once dated Joey too.  
  
Joey slid a hand into Chandler's shirt, searching for that third nipple. There was only a slight scar left, because after Ginger dumped him, Chandler had the nubbin removed by a doctor. Joey quickly found the scar and began stroking it.  
  
Chandler found himself oddly aroused, and he nodded yieldingly when Joey suggested that they go into the bedroom. So they maneuvered around the oversized entertainment center, and slid inside Chandler's room.  
  
They kept kissing and undressing one another, then got into the bed and fooled around quite a bit. Chandler was overly sensitive about caresses on his butt, saying that it was sore from all the smacking his boss did, so Joey laid off that area and teased everywhere else without mercy.  
  
"You--you've got some moves there," Chandler moaned. "Good moves. I always heard you through the wall, but I never thought..." He bit his lip and didn't finish.  
  
"What was that thing you did? Yeah," Joey grunted pleasurably. "Yeah, do that again. Sometimes girls, even slutty girls, don't know everywhere I like it."  
  
They made Chandler's bed creak with their sweaty, passionate loving, and soon Joey was urging, "Do it! Do it now!" in a way that Chandler didn't mind at all. Neither one of them got stage fright at that critical moment.  
  
Finally Joey lay back with a satisfied sigh. "Best bed creaking ever, huh?"  
  
Chandler smiled in return. "So you're over Kate now?"  
  
"Yeah, I won't watch her on *General Hospital* anymore. Gotta move on." He reached over and kissed Chandler gratefully. "Thanks."  
  
"Any time." He felt like thanking Joey too for ending his dry spell, but knew it would be unwise.  
  
Joey laughed a little, then kissed Chandler's lips again. "Um, I guess I'll go now."  
  
"Okay." Chandler tried to shrug casually.  
  
So Joey got out of the bed and picked up his clothes from around the room.  
  
Chandler realized that he no longer minded seeing Joey naked.  
  
Joey headed to the door and called back, "Good night!"  
  
"Good night." 


	4. Temptation

Now I will start to rearrange and alter certain events in season 4, just like I made it so that Ross and Rachel are permanently back together. (See the end of chapter 2, where they agreed to rip up the letter, instead of fighting about it.)  
  
  
  
  
  
After their one-night stand, Joey and Chandler each went back to female lovers, as if nothing had happened.  
  
Then Joey got roped into doing an unusual favor for Mr. Treeger. To impress a woman named Marge, Treeger wanted to practice dancing for a superintendents' ball, but was too shy to practice with a girl. Rather than hating it, Joey actually enjoyed learning all the steps and getting good at them. He tried showing off his moves to Monica and Rachel, but didn't know how to lead. Still, Joey felt proud when he and Treeger got the spin right; manly or not, it was a beautiful accomplishment.  
  
As Treeger started to leave for the ball, Joey felt a little sad that he'd have nobody to dance with anymore. Treeger offered to fix him up with Marge's friend, but Joey declined as soon as he learned that this friend was the same size as Treeger.  
  
So Joey stayed on the roof for hours that night, dancing by himself and wishing that he knew some hot, ballroom-dancing chicks. Then again, it would probably be awkward to explain why he didn't know how to lead. Maybe if he had a guy to practice with first, a guy who would let him lead. Maybe Chandler would do it; after all, he let Joey seduce him once.  
  
The more Joey thought about dancing with Chandler, and pretended that he was doing so, the more he realized that he didn't want to just dance. He could still remember Chandler's naked body in detail, and found himself hungering for him.  
  
So Joey nervously returned to their apartment that night, intending to ask Chandler to dance with him, and if he seemed receptive, to sleep with him again. Unfortunately, Chandler had already gone to bed by the time that Joey arrived. Damn it! Why did he stay out so long? Now he'd have to wait until tomorrow night. Or would he?  
  
Joey knocked on the door, then peeked inside. Chandler was still awake!  
  
"Hey, Joe!" He sat up and chuckled. "I was beginning to think that you went out with Treeger for the night."  
  
Joey laughed and shook his head. "Nah, I was just... thinking."  
  
"Thinking?" Chandler looked mildly curious.  
  
Joey came into the room and asked cautiously, "You said 'Any time,' didn't you?"  
  
"Any time what?"  
  
Joey gave him a look, and sat on his bed.  
  
Now Chandler understood. "Oh."  
  
"So, do you want to?"  
  
Chandler bit his lip and nodded. Soon they were kissing and getting naked again.  
  
***  
  
From then on, they continued having sex on a semi-regular basis, and also started ballroom dancing. Of course they kept both activities secret from the rest of their friends, and invented excuses for why they now spent much more time alone, without even Ross around.  
  
"Yeah, baby!" Joey said as they stepped gracefully around the living room. "And now I can put dancing on my resume and have it be true! 'Course, you'll have to let me lead sometime."  
  
Chandler laughed. "Sure, after this dance!" Joey had really surprised him, allowing Chandler to often take the lead in dancing and in sex, instead of treating him like a girlie wimp all the time. It really helped him enjoy their intimacy without feeling his masculinity threatened, and they had a lot of fun.  
  
But then Chandler got upset when Joey starred in a play where he had to simulate sex with his pretty co-star Kathy. Joey insisted that sexual chemistry onstage meant nothing offstage. "What are you getting all jealous for? We're not a couple--are we?"  
  
Chandler was embarrassed and hurt, so he ran off from the theatre. He felt incredibly guilty afterward, so he bought all new furniture for the apartment to replace everything that had been stolen.  
  
Joey was shocked. "You--you did all this for me?"  
  
"Yeah, and, um, about Kathy," Chandler forced himself to say it, "if you wanna date her, date her. I'm not holding you back."  
  
"Chandler!"  
  
"No, listen, I'm not gonna be some crazy jealous freak like Ross was with Rachel. I mean, not that we're Ross and Rachel..."  
  
Joey came over to him and held him close. "I think... maybe we could be."  
  
Chandler cautiously met Joey's eyes. "You want to?"  
  
"Yeah." He kissed Chandler, then smiled devilishly. "You wanna see some sexual chemistry?" He pulled Chandler back to his bedroom, where they made up passionately. 


	5. Everybody Finds Out

Joey still starred in the play with Kathy, and got good reviews, but kept his word that what happened between him and Kate would not happen between him and Kathy. It was flattering to know that Chandler cared for him that much, even if it was in secret.  
  
Only their pet birds knew about their changed relationship, simply because they lived there and roamed the apartment pretty freely. If the guys left their doors open, the duck would soon interrupt them with its quacking, and the chick would wander in too, attracted by the noise. Being watched was okay with Joey and Chandler if they were just dancing or kissing, but not so okay if they were having sex.  
  
Chandler had vivid childhood memories of both his parents shamelessly pursuing their boy toys right before his eyes, and Joey also had no wish to give the birds an inappropriate eyeful, so they made sure to shoo the birds out of whichever bedroom they retired to for the night. The guys thought of the chick and the duck kind of like children, after all, and still sometimes argued about their feeding and care.  
  
Happily, their arguments often ended with a kiss now, or with the two of them curling up together on one of their leather recliners. Their affair had become quite cozy indeed.  
  
"Chan?" Joey whispered and nudged him behind the ear.  
  
Chandler had dozed off next to him in the leather chair. "Hmm?" He blinked sleepily.  
  
"My room tonight?"  
  
He woke up a little more and smiled. "Okay."  
  
Joey turned off the TV and pulled Chandler to his feet. "You're not *too* sleepy, are you?"  
  
"No," Chandler laughed and raced Joey to the bedroom.  
  
***  
  
After flourishing in secrecy for so long, their affair finally became apparent to their friends when Joey and Chandler forgot to be discreet in the midst of the holiday season.  
  
Monica and Phoebe were starting a catering business together, so they suggested that the six of them do Secret Santa to save money on gifts. Joey and Chandler both traded for each other, and more suspiciously, Joey borrowed money to buy a rare copy of Chandler's favorite children's book, *The Velveteen Rabbit*. Since when was Joey that thoughtful, or that knowledgeable about Chandler's reading interests?  
  
Chandler realized that he had no spare cash after refurnishing the apartment, so after desperately trying to make some sort of gift, he wound up giving Joey a lame pen with a clock in it. Joey didn't mind at all, and nearly kissed Chandler in front of everybody, before he caught himself and suggested that they retire to their apartment.  
  
The others were puzzled by this strange behavior, so they snuck across the hall and burst into the guys' apartment without knocking. They caught Joey and Chandler making out, which made them all gasp in shock.  
  
"Wow! When did this happen?" Monica asked.  
  
Blushing, Joey and Chandler realized that their secret was out, so they confessed to their relationship and endured all the jokes from their friends.  
  
"Wait, wait! Let's get some mistletoe, and make them kiss again!" Phoebe suggested.  
  
Ross smiled. "Well, Chandler, I guess you're not so mad anymore that I told all the girls in college that you were gay."  
  
"Ah-ha!" Rachel spoke up. "I knew you guys were acting weird about that play where Joey had sex with that girl! It was like Ross's jealousy over Mark."  
  
"Not exactly!" Ross was a bit annoyed.  
  
"Hey, Joey!" Monica teased. "You must've really liked all that ballroom dancing with Mr. Treeger, huh?"  
  
Eventually, the novelty wore off, and the gang eased up on the frequency of their jokes. Joey and Chandler then decided to break the news to their parents too.  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Tribbiani were particularly surprised after all the years of their son being a ladies' man, but they learned to accept that Joey now had a boyfriend, and a committed one at that. Chandler clearly made him happy, and they were really still the same old roommates who drank beer, loved sports, and enjoyed *Baywatch*; now they just slept with each other too.  
  
The former Mr. and Mrs. Bing of course knew all about the attractions of hot young men, though both of them did not keep boyfriends for very long. Still, they wished Joey and Chandler good luck. 


	6. Choices

This is a brief departure from the Joey and Chandler story, so that I can show you some important changes going on in the lives of the other four.  
  
  
  
  
  
Monica had good luck when she was hired as the head chef of a restaurant, although it forced her to quit her catering business with Phoebe.  
  
Still, Frank and Alice asked Phoebe to be a surrogate for them, so she was soon busy. When Phoebe found out that she was carrying triplets, Rachel helped her come up with a plan to make money for the big family; Phoebe and Frank would use the old catering van to start a taxi/massage service.  
  
Things changed even more when Rachel and Ross decided to live together. They moved into a new apartment, leaving Monica alone and kind of sad.  
  
Phoebe agreed to move back in temporarily, so that Monica could help her through her pregnancy, but she was firm about resisting Mon's compulsion to be freakishly neat. Monica channeled that energy into her restaurant instead.  
  
She also kept dating losers, and wished desperately for a baby. She and Phoebe spent a lot of time together, especially after Phoebe gave birth to the triplets and had to give them up. On top of that, Phoebe's grandmother died, and though she met her long lost dad at the funeral, the awkward reunion couldn't really fill the whole in Phoebe's heart.  
  
When Ross and Rachel got engaged, the whole gang celebrated, but privately Monica and Phoebe had to console each other.  
  
"Joey and Chandler might as well be engaged too," Phoebe commented. "Married, even."  
  
Monica nodded. "We're the only single ones left."  
  
"Hey, Mon, you still want to have a baby, don't you?"  
  
"More than anything."  
  
"How about we have a baby?"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Yeah, remember when you were gonna get a sperm donor? You could still do that, and this time I could help you through the pregnancy, and we could keep the baby."  
  
Monica wasn't sure if Phoebe meant that they should be a lesbian couple too, and she couldn't get up the nerve to ask.  
  
"Of course," Phoebe back-pedaled, "if you still wanna wait for your dream guy, I'll understand. I just, I thought it was something we could do."  
  
Monica asked for time to think about it, but eventually both she and Phoebe knew what her answer had to be. Monica gave her a parting kiss, out of sympathy, then Phoebe moved back to her apartment. 


	7. Gambling on Love

Joey got the lead in a movie, which he thought would be his "big break," but Chandler didn't agree, and they got into a big fight that ended with Joey driving Phoebe's grandmother's cab to Vegas, alone. Chandler tried apologizing over the phone, but Joey kept refusing to hear him out.  
  
Monica couldn't stand to see such a great couple break up, especially so close to their second anniversary, so she talked everybody into taking a group trip to Vegas, to help Joey and Chandler make up.  
  
Rachel ran into Mark just before the trip, and she kept it from Ross, but he found out and got mad. After some drama, they made up and decided to get married.  
  
Joey was embarrassed to admit that his movie had run out of money, forcing him to work as a gladiator at Caesar's Palace. Chandler told him it didn't matter, and they made up. As long as they were in Vegas, they decided to catch Chandler's dad's burlesque show.  
  
Monica and Phoebe gambled so competitively that they got kicked out of the casino. When they went upstairs and raided the mini-bars, they got a message about Ross and Rachel eloping, so they hurried to the chapel, but it was too late.  
  
The morning after, everyone was a little mad that Ross and Rachel had married without any of them as bridesmaids and best men, so they promised to have a belated wedding reception where all could take part (and give presents). Joey and Chandler drove Phoebe's cab back to New York, while the others flew home.  
  
After Ross and Rachel held their lavish reception, they left for a honeymoon in Greece. Monica was supposed to water the plants at their apartment, but while there, she couldn't resist the impulse to open all the wedding presents. When Ross and Rachel returned and found out, they forgave her, on the condition that she help send out all the thank you notes.  
  
Phoebe started dating somebody named Denise, but then her ex-boyfriend David returned from Minsk to say that his research grant had ended. Phoebe made the tough decision to give David another chance, and he never made her regret it. When after a year, he had to go away again to do more physics research back in Russia, Phoebe decided to move with him, but promised to keep in touch with everybody through email. They all chipped in for a computer and computer lessons to make sure of that.  
  
Meanwhile, Monica dated a food-critic after he reviewed her restaurant, and soon they fell in love. Phoebe came back to attend Monica's wedding and to sing some of her new Russian-flavored songs. It was the last time that the whole gang got together at once, because Ross and Rachel had now moved with their babies to the suburbs.  
  
For a long time, Joey and Chandler remained in New York, near Monica and her husband, but they moved to Los Angeles when Joey became a big movie star. Chandler gladly quit his horribly boring job and became a TV sitcom writer, getting paid to be funny. This was the life indeed, although they would always have fond memories of New York and all their friends.  
  
The End 


End file.
